• The Apple store genius bar is like the DMV with tighter pants and less body odor.
    Posted 22h
  • It's Throwback Thursday, so I'm throwing back shots of Number Juan Tequila. Heaven is real! #TBT #NumberJuan
    Posted 3 Sep
  • There is no substitute for hard work. Done by another person. On your behalf. For free.
    Posted 2 Sep
  • Why are we arresting people who want leave the U.S. and join ISIS? We should start a shuttle service to where we can kill them.
    Posted 1 Sep
  • I’m glad I kept my land line. At least once a week I use it to find my cell phone.
    Posted 31 Aug
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